Hey. I’m Matt Ruby (matt@mruby.com) and this is Sandpaper Suit, a comedy blog I started in 2006. About me: I'm a standup comic in NYC. You may have seen me telling jokes on MTV, in Time Out NY ("Joke of the Year" nominee), or at comedy venues around the country. Mark Normand and I cohost "We're All Friends Here," the comedy chat show with boundary issues (also available as a podcast). For a list of upcoming gigs, check my MySpace page. What's here: At this blog, I post 1) funny stuff — jokes, videos, etc. and 2) not funny stuff about the art of standup. I've also got a bunch of funny videos at YouTube. More:Mruby.com tells you everything else about Matt Ruby that you ever wanted to know but were afraid to ask.
I'm relatively pleasant to Zach. I don't mind what he does. If you need to play piano to amplify the fact that your jokes are simplistic and not that funny. If you need to act all weird and crazy to garner attention and make a lot of money and that's a sacrifice you're willing to make, I think that's fine.
But this kinda shit. Why's he got to take shots at me for? I ain't bothering him. I accept him. I accept that he's a little bearded clown that needs props to be funny and I don't criticize him for that...
He's pretty huge. He's a big college act. The kids like his fraudulent insanity. "I'm so weird and off. I'm the little odd man that's cool because I have a beard."
Video below (starts 1:00 in):
My fave parts of this: 1) Maron's claim: "I don't criticize him for that." Yeah, good thing there was nothing critical said! 2) The constant references to "Fuji Water." Makes me think of Mr. Fuji...who actually would make a great bottled water mascot.
Wouldn't you buy water from this guy?
Anyway, before we get our ruffles in a lather, it's apparently a non-feud. A commenter at Best Show Ever host Tom Scharpling's site reports:
Maron said on his show today, that he spoke to Zach, and that they pretty much smoothed things out. Maron admitting it was a misunderstanding. He said that Zach was a really sweet guy.
Phew, crisis averted! Take down that steel cage you were building.
If there's anything of substance to discuss here, it's the idea that a comic who "acts all weird and crazy to garner attention" is doing something wrong. I don't buy that. Sure, some random manic guy covering up the fact that his material sucks is annoying. But that's not Zach, whose stuff shifts from really silly to really cerebral. Just because you're working low doesn't mean you're not working high too. Look at Steve Martin.
In fact, I think Zach pretty much nailed it in his sendup of comedy snobs who look down on physical comedy:
Maron also seems to imply that any comic who uses a prop needs it as a crutch. Now sure, everyone loves to rip on prop comics like Carrot Top for being unfunny. And that's probably fair. But I think people like Zach, Demetri Martin, and Eugene Mirman all use "foreign objects" [I can't stop with the wrestling references!] to fun effect in their acts. Part of what gives those guys a unique voice in the sea of soundalike standups out there.
On the pro-prop tip, here's a video of David Cross using a newspaper and a poster at the end of a set:
Had a conversation after a show the other week with a couple of comics where we were discussing how jokes go in cycles. A bit will work really well for a few months and then it will start doing nothing. That will last a while and you may dump it or put it on hiatus. But eventually, it makes a comeback and does well again. And all that can happen even if the bit didn't change at all.
One big factor to that: How confident you are in the bit. A joke's working and you feel good about it and everything's great. But after a while you either get tired or lazy or something is off and it doesn't do as well. You start doubting it. But then a good crowd or giving it a rest breathes in new life. It's all a bit strange. Goes to show how much of this game is about delivery and confidence. Material certainly helps, but it ain't everything.
Similarly, I've noticed the key test for a new joke is the third and fourth times telling it. Sometimes you get laughs off a new idea just because it's new. You're excited to try it and your delivery sounds fresh (maybe it's something you're just riffing even). But then, when you've told it a few times, it starts to go downhill. Once the adrenaline and energy of a new idea are gone, you see if it's really got legs.
The "best of" category includes some more top posts from '08 and earlier too.
While we're looking back, I also want to say thanks to all you regular readers out there. It's been great to read your comments and hear your feedback when I see you out in person. It's humbling to me that people actually read this thing and find it enjoyable. So thanks again and happy new year!
Tue Dec 30 @ 7pm Eric I's Comedy Showdown Ochi's @ Comix 353 West 14th Street (@ 9th Avenue)
Tuesday, January 6th, 9:00 pm BabyHole @ The Lamp Post Hosted by Melissa Surach 382 2nd Street Jersey City, NJ
Sat Jan 10 @ 8pm WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE The comedy chat show with boundary issues Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand The Creek in Long Island City 10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave Featuring: Katina Corrao, Luke Cunningham, Sean Donnelly, and MC Napkins
Fri Jan 16 @ 7:30pm Too Cool for School @ Coco 66 Nick Turner and Cassidy Henehan host 66 Greenpoint Avenue Brooklyn, NY
Regular visitor here? If so, consider getting Sandpaper Suit delivered by email. It'll show up in your inbox once a day. And the email includes links from "The Pocket" too. (That's the white box in the sidebar where I post interesting comedy links from around the web.) Easy as pie. Though come to think of it, pie is pretty difficult. As is pi. Anyway...
Attention Pagans, Jews, NYers, stragglers, or other misfits: With Chesley and Sean, the Kabin Louisiana boys, out of town, Matt Ruby and Mark Normand are guest hosting the Thursday (Xmas night) "Comedy as a Second Language" show. Also appearing: Cassidy Henehan, Danny Solomon, and more.
Thursday at the East Village's own... Kabin Bar & Lounge! 92 2nd Ave (btw 5th/6th Sts) 9PM! FREE $2 cans of PBR
P.S. If you're outta town, you can catch Matt and Mark at the next We're All Friends Here on 1/10 at The Creek in LIC.
I went to a vegetarian restaurant that had "Sham" on the menu. Impressive. You're just coming right out and telling me you're trying to deceive me with an inferior product. "I'd like the Rib Off please...and some Chili Con...how do you pronounce that? Ah, Con Artist."
Vegetarians even have a product called "Wham" which is fake Spam. As if that's the problem with being a vegetarian. "You know what I miss? Meat that I couldn't identify in the first place." A vegetarian who misses Spam? Wow. That's like talking to a guy who moves to a foreign country and having this conversation...Q: What do you miss most about America? A: Jersey!
Sometimes I'll write a few notes on my hand that I fear might slip my memory in the HEAT of BATTLE. With the right glance, it can be a wee bit subtler than looking at a piece of paper. This photo is from a set I did months (years?) ago. Don't even remember some of these bits actually.
The king of this technique: Rick Shapiro. There's barely any skin showing on his hands by the time he's done writing notes on them.
It's strange that urinary tract infections are cured by cranberry juice. Sounds like something a doctor who lost his license would come up with. "You know that burning feeling you're having...Well, I can't write you a prescription, but I've got the perfect cure: Ocean Spray!" Question: Does it have to be 100% pure cran or can you get away with just cran cocktail?
Also, it's surprising that cranberry juice, which usually stains everything it touches, is what cleans out your urinary tract. Using that reverse logic, I have a theory: Club soda is what actually causes the problem in the first place. Someone start researching that.
Music and words by Matt Ruby, video shot and edited by Matt Lament.
Also, the HHP asked me to deliver this special message to y'all. Please forgive his salty tongue.
Holla!
The Funky B.U.C. in the house. Spitting maritime knowledge and nautical know-how. Droppin' hit records like I drop anchor, son. You other pirates can't fuck with this.
Where my wenches at? Damn girl, I got a plank you can walk right here, baby. Aw shit. I ain't saying she a golddigger, but she ain't sailing on no merchant ship.
Let me get serious up in here. I got a message you all need to hear: George Bush does not care about pirates!
And know this: Captain Morgan is a weak ass bitch. Suck a dick, Morgan! O captain, my captain, you a bitch captain when it comes to rappin'. You actin' rough, but you about as tough actin' as Tinactin, Captain. That's athlete's foot medicine. You as tough as athlete's foot medicine. Which, in the big scheme of things, is not very tough. Fool. You better pray you don't sail up next to me or I'm gonna pop a cannon in yo ass.
Don't hate the saila', hate the seas. Now watch my video bitches. Peace.
Wow. Who knew he could even type with that hook on his hand? Impressive.
Wear your best for your execution and stand dignified. Your last recourse against randomness is how you act — if you can’t control outcomes, you can control the elegance of your behaviour. You will always have the last word.
Kinda applies to dealing with shitty crowds, hecklers, bombing, etc. You can't control what happens, but you can control the way you handle the situation.
I hate when a comic's having a bad set and then turns on the audience (e.g. "You guys suck" or "Look at my fucking bicep!"). If you're gonna bitch at 'em, at least try to be funny about it or make a point. If not, suck it up, try to learn from it, and move on.
This time: Rowdy crowd at "Art Star" mic the other night. I went up first which didn't help matters. Needed some corralling but we got there in the end...
Time Out New York just posted the nine nominees for Joke of the year and lookie there, I'm one of 'em. Thanks TONY.
I'd greatly appreciate your vote. Takes just a moment.
Some reasons to vote for me: 1) My joke is pretty funny (and uses less words than almost all the other jokes). 2) My photo is the only one that includes a tiger. 3) Mike Drucker's joke means he's probably going to hell. 4) If Todd Barry, Louis CK, or Hannibal Buress wins, he won't use this as one of his credits. I, on the other hand, most certainly will.
Yeah, riding the subway means you understand cost-benefit analysis. That's totally what I think when I see the homeless guy across the car from me eating his shoe. This is like saying, "You're on death row for shooting three people so obviously you understand the laws of physics."
That's funny stuff. See, we are always trying so hard to find material and it's right there. I love when you just get mean and be yourself. It's hilarious. We're writing jokes about cats and shit when that's the stuff you should be talking about. That's you!! Its real, its truthful, a little cranky but it's you. I feel like this is what CK is saying, you gotta do shit that really eats you up.
Now I'm getting worked up...Even if that stuff rubs some people the wrong way- it still is nice for the people who go through shit like that and I think that's your audience.
Me:
Yeah, I totally agree with ya. I notice that sometimes I'm writing and it just GOES. I'm not trying to be clever or use wordplay. I'm just saying what I really think. And it's usually bitching about something. In fact, the more I'm using the word "fucking," the better it is. Because that means it's coming from somewhere deeper.
Mark pushes me sometimes on material that he thinks is in my voice and I appreciate it. "That's so you" is almost as good a thing to hear about a bit-in-progress as "that's so funny."
I wrestle sometimes with being a total grouch and ranting all the time yet I do feel like it might be my "natural voice" (or close to it). The tough part for me is figuring out how to go negative yet still making people laugh and feel comfortable about it.
For me it’s in the too-personal that I often find my writing strength and my most powerful artistic ingredients...On one hand I think that if an artist is creative enough it should be possible to make great art without having to resort to self-immolation. I don’t know of any songs by Woody Guthrie or Jackson C. Frank that make reference to their own immense personal tragedies, but this didn’t stop these artists from making songs of the greatest emotional power. On the other hand I strongly believe that it’s important to use art and songs to push the boundaries of public communication beyond the usual, and thus maybe bring both the artist and the audience a bit of catharsis by trying to shine a light into a dark place.
Lewis writes that seeing Jonathan Richman perform his recent “As My Mother Lay Dying” was "about as personal and painful as an audience-artist interaction can get — and as emotionally redemptive." Here's the song, which is pretty fucking great:
I really enjoy hanging out with a lot of comics. But man, you get a bunch of 'em together and it sure gets annoying.
First of all, so much handshaking. What are we, businessmen? Politicians working a rope line? I see you at shows three times a week. Do we really need to go through this formality? I've gotta bring a bottle of Purell with me anytime I go to a mic. A nod and a "hey" is plenty.
And then everyone's always trying to one-up each other on funny lines. How about just having a normal conversation? You know, with sentences that don't end with a plea for laughter/approval. You don't have to act like there's constantly an invisible mic in your hand.
And they're so gossipy. "Did ya hear that so and so sent so and so a text message that said..." No, I didn't. And I don't care.
And why are so many comedians so socially awkward? Half the time I feel like I'm hanging out with a bunch of sixth graders at a middle school dance. Sorry, I don't really feel like talking about the latest issue of "Wolverine" or some trailer for a Sci-Fi movie that comes out in 2014 or Xbox vs. PlayStation or the plotline of "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan" (didn't the Muppets already take Manhattan?).
There's a whole world outside of comic books, movies, TV, video games, Facebook, and comedy shows...but you wouldn't know it from half the conversations these guys have. I really don't ever want to hear about "Lost" or "The Dark Knight" again.
Shatner: You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!
[ a crowd of shocked and dismayed Trekkies.... ]
I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?
[ to "Ears" ] You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?
[ "Ears" hangs his head ]
I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't watch television! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a TV show dammit, IT'S JUST A TV SHOW!
Charlie: Are- are you saying then that we should pay more attention to the movies?
Shatner: NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL!!!
And so I sit silently in the corner, wait for my set, smile and try to be polite, and then get the fuck out of there.
Some comics are constantly hustling to do multiple spots in a a night. I get that and do it myself sometimes. But I wonder if these guys might be better off taking a few nights off, going out into the normal world and interacting with civilians. Living a life. You know, that thing you're supposed to talk about onstage.
[FYI: Yes, I realize how ridic it is to be a BLOGGER telling others to get a life.]
Anyway, I'm going back to my cave. (Good thing I'm not socially awkward at all, eh?) Hmm, maybe now you can see why you don't find me on a lot of other comics' MySpace "Top Friends" lists.
So I've got a big audition this week: I'm trying out for the "Just for Awkward Silences" festival that's held in Saskatoon every year. That's Saskatchewan. Home of the Roughriders CFL team. Interesting fact: There are eight CFL teams and five of them are nicknamed Roughriders...and the other three are all called Argonauts. Silly Canadians!
But seriously, a bunch of NYC comics are auditioning for the Just for Laughs fest in Montreal this week which is kinda a big deal. Dozens of comics will be performing at different shows around town. The judges will then decide who makes the cut.
The hope is to get a breakout set there, like Sean Patton did over the summer. After that, you'll get a management deal, late night spots, passed at all the big clubs...or at least that's the dream.
I didn't get an invite. I'm annoyed but since most of the people I know who got a spot deserve it, I can't complain too much. There's apparently a system where you have to be vouched for by a couple of industry types or comics who've made the fest in the past or something. I haven't really had any shows in front of industry types (at least not that I know of) and I'm pretty bad at hobnobbing with other comics so I can see why I didn't get the call.
Or maybe I'm just not funny enough. That couldn't possibly be the reason though, right? Right!? Gulp.
Anyway, it's been interesting to watch the different approaches auditioning comics are taking while getting ready. Some are going to mics and practicing every line trying to find that perfect tag or word to use in a joke.
Others are fearful of sounding over rehearsed and are holding back from doing their audition sets. They think keeping it fresh is a better idea than practicing the same lines over and over.
I tend to side with the former group. These are only six minute sets. Ya figure you're doing proven material that you've done a bunch so you should know it pretty well already. For me, doing good material in a shitty room takes the wind out of my sails.
Then again, it's not something I have to worry about. But yeah, I'm totally not bitter or anything.
I had a job where the office manager wanted employees to clean up more. She put up a sign in the kitchen that said, "Your mom doesn't work here." I wrote in, "That's because she's dead." And then I left dishes all over the place.
"The Ear" is an LA Times column where David Steinberg interviews comedians. In his Q&A with Larry David, Steinberg explains the meaning of "The Ear":
Stand-up comedians need someone to bounce their stuff off of. It’s usually a close friend, because you have to say what’s funny out loud to someone you trust before you perform in front of an audience. Any comic with a brain has an Ear or two he entrusts with his comedic life—-in other words, his material. The Ear is a sounding board. He gets to know a comedian’s cadence, his point of view, his mind. Most stand-ups never step onstage without going through the routine with their Ear. I have had the opportunity to be the Ear for some of the greatest comedy minds in the business. One example is Larry David, my friend and colleague for more than 20 years.
Steinberg asks David about the Curb where he gets his wife’s pubic hair stuck in his throat.
Did you ever think for one second people would think that’s crossing the line? No, no, no. I think that’s right on the line. If you take the dive that has a high degree of difficulty and you land it, you get more points from the judges. But if you take the easy dive, you don’t get anywhere. You have to take some of these things and see if you can thread the needle.
If you take the easy dive, you don't get anywhere. Man, that's good.
Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy...all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and it’s never for a good reason, right? You know it’s not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.
At the end, Jerry talks about the influence of The Abbott and Costello Show (YouTube clips) on "Seinfeld":
Yeah, that show was about comedy. There was no explanation of anyone’s life. Nothing made sense. There were always a lot of inexplicably evil people on that show, and we took that right on to ours: The garage attendant who tells you, “We can’t get your car out. We just can’t."
I love to play straight. Bud Abbott is really funnier to me than Lou Costello, because a really good straight man keeps bringing thae logic back. In stand-up, it’s all about this rigorous logic.
In Jon Stewart's interview, he explains how he got started closing shows at The Comedy Cellar:
I was working as the day bartender at a Mexican restaurant on MacDougal Street--which, by the way, if you're ever looking to live the dream, the day bartender makes nothing. But there was a club right down the street called the Comedy Cellar. And there was a guy there named Bill Grundfest. He did the best thing for me ever, which was: "I'll tell you what I'll do; I'm not gonna pay you, but I'm gonna let you go on every night as the last guy." And so I went on for two years at the Comedy Cellar at 2:30 or 3 a.m. as the last guy. It was me and the waitstaff and a table of drunken Dutch sailors. And in that place, I learned how to be myself. It was the thing that made me want to be good. You begin to develop an internal barometer that doesn't include the audience. And that was a really big thing to learn: not to fall in love with the audience.
[Man, this post is chock full of Jews.]
Found the Seinfeld Q&A link via The Comic's Comic, who asks, "What year was this? Oh, this year. 2008. Really? Really. All of the talk about filming Comedian and pharmaceutical side effects and 'anal leakage' threw me off, too."
Actually, I think these interviews are all transcribed from "Sit Down Comedy," Steinberg's TV Land show from a few years back where he interviews comics. Pretty sure I remember hearing some or all of this stuff before. You can watch episodes of "Sit Down Comedy" online.
What's the pinnacle you can get as a comedian...a really hard laugh or an applause break? I'll take the hard laugh.
Applause breaks tend to be more analytical. People give them to you when they think something's really clever or they want to show you they liked something. There's an inherent pause there. People decide to applaud.
Laughter is primal though. A real, deep laugh = there's no choice about it. Laughing like that is a body release, like crying, sneezing, or orgasming. (Feel free to insert your own joke about experiencing all of those at once...actually I think Big Jay already has one.) That seems like a more soulful goal to aspire to.
Did an odd show in Jersey City last week in a bar with no stage. Weird to be eye level and two feet away from people while doing comedy. Here's what it looked like (that's Jared Logan performing):
Sometimes you'd do crowd work and the people within five feet of ya would totally be laughing and the people in the back would be like, "What the fuck is he talking about?"
Your host ALLISON LEBER steers a lineup guaranteed to dispel those holiday blues as we feature a debut by MIKE SCHMACK (thurs. only) ,the Lodge's own fresh faced ELIOT RAHAL and the master of the oblique one-liner MIKE SHEEHAN! We're also glad to host a rare Chicago performance from the Big Apple's MATT RUBY (MTV) and the first official live full headlining appearance by former Lodge host Steve O. Harvey's latest musical buzz-building project THE BAND OF A THOUSAND NAMES!
"A gift or hard graft?" is an extract from "Outliers: The Story Of Success," the new book by Malcolm Gladwell. In it, he says it's hard work that sets great performers apart from the pack.
The thing that distinguishes one performer from another is how hard he or she works. That's it. What's more, the people at the very top don't just work much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder.
This idea - that excellence at a complex task requires a critical, minimum level of practice - surfaces again and again in studies of expertise. In fact, researchers have settled on what they believe is a magic number for true expertise: 10,000 hours.
"In study after study, of composers, basketball players, fiction writers, ice-skaters, concert pianists, chess players, master criminals," writes the neurologist Daniel Levitin, "this number comes up again and again. Ten thousand hours is equivalent to roughly three hours a day, or 20 hours a week, of practice over 10 years... No one has yet found a case in which true world-class expertise was accomplished in less time. It seems that it takes the brain this long to assimilate all that it needs to know to achieve true mastery."
No wonder Jerry Seinfeld says to "just work." If you want to be a master, you've got to do it over and over.
For comedy, number of times on stage might be a better measure than number of hours. Something like you need to perform on stage at least 1,000 times before you can be a great comic. (And even that might be on the low side.)
The excerpt also features this interesting bit on The Beatles:
John Lennon, in an interview after the Beatles disbanded, talking about the band's performances at a Hamburg strip club called the Indra: "We got better and got more confidence. We couldn't help it with all the experience playing all night long. It was handy them being foreign. We had to try even harder, put our heart and soul into it, to get ourselves over. In Liverpool, we'd only ever done one-hour sessions, and we just used to do our best numbers, the same ones, at every one. In Hamburg we had to play for eight hours, so we really had to find a new way of playing."
...All told, they performed for 270 nights in just over a year and a half. By the time they had their first burst of success in 1964, they had performed live an estimated 1,200 times, which is extraordinary. Most bands today don't perform 1,200 times in their entire careers. The Hamburg crucible is what set the Beatles apart.
This struck a chord: "It was handy them being foreign. We had to try even harder, put our heart and soul into it, to get ourselves over." You could say the same thing about shitty shows or open mics. To get over at these gigs, you really have to bring something. You've got to be energetic or in the moment or have a really strong bit. In front of a packed house, on the other hand, you can get away with slacking a bit more. The crowd will provide the juice.
In fact, I sometimes wonder about comics who get a break and wind up doing packed gigs or touring right out of the gate. Like maybe they miss out on the foundation you get when you spend years doing crappy gigs and winning over iffy crowds.
Miller High Life claims to be "the champagne of beers."
The champagne of beers!?
"Excuse me sir, between the various beers on your menu, which one would most remind me of...a completely different beverage?...Oh, excellent. One more question: Between the Slim Jims and the Beef Jerky, which would you say is most like the caviar of dried meats?"
Have you seen the guys who drink High Life? I've never looked at one and thought, "Wow, I bet he's a huge fan of the French."
The Benson Interruption was a blast last night. A lot more fun than the previous one I saw at UCB (which featured all improvisers). Doug was drunk (and stoned) from the get go and was on the whole night. It was a hot room and everyone had fun sets.
It's interesting to watch how the different comics handle him. Arj Barker had Doug interrupting him left and right while Eugene Mirman managed to keep Doug pretty quiet for the most part. Tony Camin, Doug's comrade in The Marijuana-logues, mostly just bantered with Doug the whole time.
Anthony Jeselnik — he just scored a gig as a writer for Jimmy Fallon's new show, something Doug may not have been supposed to reveal — tried to deadpan his way through Doug's interruptions without breaking a smile. And he tried to "punch up" a few of Doug's bits which was made even funnier by the fact that Doug wouldn't let him get through any of them. Also, Jeselnik, when he gives attitude, sounds a bit like Kanicki in Grease.
No big surprise that the highlight was Paul F. Tompkins. I sure hope he gets out of his Best Week Ever cage to do more spots in NYC because it's just a delight (yes, a delight!) to watch him go. Him and Doug really seemed to have a blast with each other. It's part of what makes the show so enjoyable: The comics seem to be having as much fun as the audience.
At one point Doug interrupted Paul's bit on New Yorkers for a couple of minutes and then told him to go back into the bit. Paul refused, saying, "You know they can hear us, right? We have microphones." Paul ended with his bit about his mom's wake and it was neat to hear how it's evolved since he played Comix a few months back (a recap of that show).
Fun racial fact from Saturday night's We're All Friends Here show: White people smell like wet dogs! Didn't you know? There's even a book about it. But why? This message board comment from "watitdos little cousin" gives the answer.
when the white people were living in the cabes of Europe 4000 thousand years ago... they lived the life of a beast... walking stooped over on all fours... eating raw meat... and killing their newborn by smashing their heads against the cave walls.
the wild dog was a animal animal that they tamed and used to help them hunt and track... and also they were used as watch dogs.
now... when the cavemen went out to hunt... they took some dogs with them and left the other dogs there at the caves to watch out for the young caveys and the women.
now everybody knows that the white woman is a natural freak... she started having sex with these dogs.
after 2000 years of the sperm of the dog entwining with the flesh of the woman... now today when white people get wet or sweat... they smell just like a dog.
that is why you are quick to see white people with dogs... especially white women that have those little ones... is because they smell like dog and they can pass it off on the real dog that they are holding under their arms.
some white people odor is not as strong as others... but if they get wet or sweat you will smell it.
they cannot help it.
and i am NOT making fun of them... it is just the truth.
"Everybody knows that the white woman is a natural freak." Classic. Btw, some guy named "Satan Slayin Mike" concurs...
Teach brutha, teach.
Smell a White person fresh out of a summer rainstorm at around 95 degrees on a extremely humid day.
WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE:
The comedy chat show with boundary issues
Featuring:
Matt McCarthy (Comedy Central)
Reese Waters (Winner of NYC Emerging Comics Contest)
Greg Johnson (Greg Johnson Show)
Ross Hyzer (County Fair)
Hosted by Matt Ruby and Mark Normand
Saturday, November 22
8:00pm @ The Creek
10-93 Jackson Ave at 49th Ave
Long Island City, NY
Map Just one subway stop from Brooklyn and Manhattan
Latest edition of the podcast is up too, featuring Myq Kaplan:
Jim Gaffigan's "inner voice" schtick is brilliant. He's a great jokewriter already but that voice really sets his act apart from the pack. He gets it both ways: He fires rapid-style one-liners in an old school kinda way yet simultaneously deconstructs his own act/persona along the way.
Why it's cool (other than being funny): The voice shows he's already thought about how each bit is being perceived by the audience. So it's clear he's got total control of the stage and the room. Also, it totally disarms anyone who might get offended by any of his bits (he's pretty clean generally but there are a few jokes he does that toe the line). I feel like it's Gaffigan subliminally saying, "I get why you might find this joke stupid or offensive, but you don't wanna be the real-life version of this lame character I'm doing, do ya?"
It was a character that I did that was always part of my personality. And I still will do it in everyday life. If I'm late to meet my wife, I'll be like… [Inner voice.] "I can't believe you're late." I used to do it at this place Surf Reality on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. But during my Comedy Central Presents, I made a point of not doing it, which seems kind of odd, but it is something that certain audiences wouldn't get. But it's something to keep the material fresh. I remember being in DC and hanging out with Dave Attell—he was the headliner and I was middling—and me just going crazy with the inside voice, 'cause there is an improvisational kind of side to it. And it just really clicked. Attell was like, "Ah, you found your gimmick."
I think it's fascinating to watch how many angles he can take on a single topic too. Comics like Chris Rock, CK, or Paul F. Tompkins are great at wringing a topic dry. But I don't know if anyone attacks a subject with as many quick jokes as Gaffigan does. Just one-liner after one-liner. He builds a rhythm and then keeps hitting for minutes, even after you figure he must have exhausted every angle on the topic.
That's why watching him do, say, a whole Letterman spot on bacon is so fun. Or his classic Hot Pockets routine:
That much material from such a silly topic is a whole joke in its own way.
He stopped in at a show at Ochi's Lounge last week. His latest target: Dunkin Donuts. He's got good stuff brewing on that topic too. Also fun to see that he keeps all his jokes in a couple of binders that he carries around in a backpack.
The story behind this bit: It started from a real conversation with another comic. I remember at the time thinking it was a ridiculous thing to say. Mentioned it later to someone else and saw potential for a bit.
So thought about it more and why I thought it was so silly. It occurred to me that orgasms are extremely cliché too...but that doesn't seem to bother anyone. So that's where the whole "it's ok to play the hits" thing came from.
Then I started to think about what the opposite of a cliché sex move would be and came up with "avant-garde blowjob"...which is both a funny concept and a funny sounding phrase. Then it was just a question of getting to an act-out that fleshes out what that kind of blow job would be like...I figured a girl just staring at a dick for 20 minutes was a good start. Got laughs with that and then kept adding to it with other artsy terms. I stretched it too far (there used to be another line) but realized it was taking away from the laughs if there were too many examples. Sometimes I get greedy adding too many tags. The laughs die down if ya go too far though.
Later, I went back to the setup part and added in the "Hotel California" and overproduced lines. Not my fave lines, but once you've got some momentum, might as well milk it.
And speaking of stretching too far, I used to use a callback to another sex-themed joke I have at the end of this whole bit, but it felt like I was trying too hard to get a callback in there. So I cut that out and now I just try to really punch the words "not cliché" at the end. It brings it back to the original setup and puts a nice bow on the whole thing. I'd like to use more callbacks, but, when I do, they often feel a bit forced to me. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive though.
One weird underlying thing in relationships: When it comes to having kids, women have a shot clock — until they're 35 or 40. But men can wait. It's like a basketball team where half the team thinks it has 24 seconds to shoot and the other half is like, "Yeah, I'm just gonna hold the ball...until I'm 52." Meanwhile, that other half of the team is like, "Pass me the damn ball, my uterus is open!"
I know a couple of struggling comics who have quit their day jobs in order to focus 100% on comedy. I don't really get this. Sure, if you're getting TV spots and working the road and can make a living, then go for it. But if you're not at that level, what's the point? It's not like there are daytime shows you can do. Are you really goi
Permalink | 1/05/2009 | 0 comments
Time Out New York just posted the nine nominees for 
