Dead Law and Order star Jerry Orbach appears in a NYC subway ad that says "his greatest role was that of an eye donor."
Sorry Jerry. Detective Lennie Briscoe? Mediocre. Dr. Jake Houseman in Dirty Dancing? Meh. Giving away your eyes? Your career-defining performance.
This all brings up some questions though: Is there really a huge eye shortage out there? Am I missing this army of people walking around with eye patches on?
And does this mean there might be some girl walking around NYC who has Jerry Orbach's eyes? The idea of making love to a woman while gazing longingly into Jerry Orbach's eyes is strangely arousing. Come on, I know you feel it too.
Most curious of all: In an interview with the Daily News, his widow said she "cannot remember a day that went by where [Jerry] didn't say, 'I want to donate my eyes.''
Every day!? Damn. I'm gonna go out on a limb here: Jerry Orbach was NOT a fun guy to hang out with: "Hey Jerry, want to go get a burrito?...Aw man, no, I do not want to hear about your eye donation AGAIN!"
Is there any way that talking every day about donating your eyes is acceptable social behavior? Maybe the grandkids dug it. "Hey, Grandpa Jerry, tell us how they're going to rip the eyes out of your body and sew them into someone else's sockets again. That's our favorite bedtime story!"
How many lame segueways did he have to get into talking about his eyes? "This song sounds good. You know what else sounds good? Donating my eyes after I die."..."Jelly donut? Oh, I thought you said shall we donate our eyes after we die? To which my answer is definitely yes."..."Nobody puts baby in a corner? Well, nobody puts my eyes in a casket, nobody."
That's a Dirty Dancing reference. Don't act like you didn't get it, tough guy. Also featured in Dirty Dancing: "Hungry Eyes" by Eric Carmen. Replace with the following lyrics and sing along!
Orbach eyes
I've been meaning to tell you
I've got this feelin that wont subside
I look at you and I fantasize
You are mine tonight
Now I've got you in my sights
With those Orbach eyes
One look at you and you cant disguise
You've got Orbach eyes
I feel the magic between you and I
I want to hold you so hear me out
I want to show you what loves all about
Darlin tonight
Now I've got you in my sights
With those Orbach eyes
One look at you and you cant disguise
You've got Orbach eyes
I feel the magic between you and I
And You've got Orbach eyes
Now I've got you in my sights
With those Orbach eyes
Now did I take you by surprise
I need you to see
This love was meant to be
You've got Orbach eyes
One look at you and you cant disguise
You've got Orbach eyes
I feel the magic between you and I
You've got Orbach eyes
Now I've got you in my sights
With those Orbach eyes
Oh you took me by surprise
With those Orbach eyes
