The truth about 9/11 conspiracy theorists

Recently, I did a show where I said I do not believe 9/11 was an inside job. Apparently that's a controversial opinion in Long Island City. Here was the scene after the show:

Four guys circle around me telling me how naive I am. "There's no way Tower #7 could have fallen that way on it's own! You gotta look at who benefited from 9/11. Don't be so naive!"

I look at these four guys carefully. Hmm. How come the only people who know the truth about 9/11 are unemployed soundmen? Why's that part of it? Why do I need to have a wallet chain and really good weed to know it was some kind of false flag operation? And what the hell is a false flag operation?

Then I realized what else these four had in common. Apparently the secrets to 9/11 are being revealed at Wrestlemania. I should have known Vince McMahon's got the inside scoop.

My favorite part is the "You gotta look at who benefited from 9/11. Don't be so naive!" Listen, just because someone benefits from something, doesn't mean they CAUSED it. I can benefit from dating a girl with low self-esteem, that doesn't prove I'm her father.

It's also weird to me that conspiracy theorists tend to be so opposed to religion. Because conspiracy theories are their religion. There's still a higher power running the show, it's just a slightly different version.

"Those morons actually think some guy with a beard and a robe is up in the sky controlling everything! Ridiculous!! 'Cuz clearly it's a cabal of the Defense Department, Halliburton, and the Jews."

As H.L. Mencken once said, "The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy." But wait, did Mencken REALLY say that? That's probably exactly what The Illuminati want us to think!