Sandpaper Suit is NYC standup comic Matt Ruby's (now defunct) comedy blog. Keep in touch: Sign up for Matt's weekly Rubesletter. Email mattruby@hey.com.
Tuesday - Day two without a Sandpaper Suit update. You were really serious about going on vacation. Can't you learn from Mike Lawrence? Vacations are two hours long in an air conditioned movie theater. And turn down service is a kid with a flashlight who says, "Uh, Sir, you can't do that here."
Wednesday - Day three without a Sandpaper Suit update. I thought I saw a new post here today, but it was just a mirage. My eyes are playing tricks on me in this heat. We have enough water to get us to our destination, but do we have enough courage? My guide Timo busied himself with bathing the elephant in a nearby lake while I packed a pipe full of tobacco. By dusk, we continued our journey. Timo led the way with his machete, chopping through the thickness of the jungle, but stopped suddenly when he happened upon a curious structure. I descended my ride to examine closely alongside him. I recognized the altar of sacrifice from my history books. It was constructed of twelve human sculls and remarkably wet with the blood of a fresh contribution. Timo swore in his native language and babbled incoherently as he climbed our pachiderm and fled. There stood I, all alone.
Maybe that's why he kept spraying me with lake water. Danny Solomon, old bean! When do I get to see you perform again? Luke saw you recently and said you were full of energy. "Joie de vivre," I corrected.
I propose the readers of Matt's blog form a town hall right here.
Thursday - Day four without a Sandpaper Suit update. Someone was nice enough to give me a stone hammer to make my chess pieces. Most of my time is spent fending off The Sisters and tarring rooves these days. I helped the scariest warden solve his tax problems, and in exchange, he let us enjoy a cold brew, which was pretty nice. On Thursdays we make colorful t-shirts by dipping them into vats of red, pink, and neon green. Because in here, you either get busy living, or get busy dyeing.
Friday - Day five without a Sandpaper Suit update. Sometimes I think Matt will come back, and I sing songs about him from my cot by the window. Don't we all dream of a bald man rescuing us? I must say this orphanage is quite a dump. And no one will brush my hair for me. I had a dream that some day a new genre of music would be invented--like poetry set to a beat--and some skilled performer remembered my struggles in a song. And he married a lady named Beyonce.
I hereby change the name of this blog to Sandy Duncan Suit, because it is more hipster. Also, I am leaving the icon of Matt at the top but am adding a Peter Pan hat.
11 comments:
Have a nice trip! For those who want to have a stay-cation at work, put Corona in your coffee mug.
Tuesday - Day two without a Sandpaper Suit update. You were really serious about going on vacation. Can't you learn from Mike Lawrence? Vacations are two hours long in an air conditioned movie theater. And turn down service is a kid with a flashlight who says, "Uh, Sir, you can't do that here."
Wednesday - Day three without a Sandpaper Suit update. I thought I saw a new post here today, but it was just a mirage. My eyes are playing tricks on me in this heat. We have enough water to get us to our destination, but do we have enough courage? My guide Timo busied himself with bathing the elephant in a nearby lake while I packed a pipe full of tobacco. By dusk, we continued our journey. Timo led the way with his machete, chopping through the thickness of the jungle, but stopped suddenly when he happened upon a curious structure. I descended my ride to examine closely alongside him. I recognized the altar of sacrifice from my history books. It was constructed of twelve human sculls and remarkably wet with the blood of a fresh contribution. Timo swore in his native language and babbled incoherently as he climbed our pachiderm and fled. There stood I, all alone.
Pachyderm is with a y.
Maybe that's why he kept spraying me with lake water. Danny Solomon, old bean! When do I get to see you perform again? Luke saw you recently and said you were full of energy. "Joie de vivre," I corrected.
I propose the readers of Matt's blog form a town hall right here.
Thursday - Day four without a Sandpaper Suit update. Someone was nice enough to give me a stone hammer to make my chess pieces. Most of my time is spent fending off The Sisters and tarring rooves these days. I helped the scariest warden solve his tax problems, and in exchange, he let us enjoy a cold brew, which was pretty nice. On Thursdays we make colorful t-shirts by dipping them into vats of red, pink, and neon green. Because in here, you either get busy living, or get busy dyeing.
Friday - Day five without a Sandpaper Suit update. Sometimes I think Matt will come back, and I sing songs about him from my cot by the window. Don't we all dream of a bald man rescuing us? I must say this orphanage is quite a dump. And no one will brush my hair for me. I had a dream that some day a new genre of music would be invented--like poetry set to a beat--and some skilled performer remembered my struggles in a song. And he married a lady named Beyonce.
i am bereft , there's no myq comments , no nuthin ......how selfish to just go off on holidays with a thought of your loyal readers
I totally disagree. I don't think Matt is on vacation this week at all.
(He didn't give me a lot to work with.)
Sandpaper Suit is dead! Abbi's journal on this comments page is the new, hip blog!
I hereby change the name of this blog to Sandy Duncan Suit, because it is more hipster. Also, I am leaving the icon of Matt at the top but am adding a Peter Pan hat.
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